XXVII

My 17 year old self wrote a list of 50 things she wanted to do before she was 18. That challenge was invariably extended to before 21, but nonetheless, a charming view into my own idealistic psyche. - S

50 THINGS

Suss out who your true friends are

Get a job

Do something completely spur-of-the-moment

Pull an all-nighter

Graduate high school

Get another piercing 

Visit a place that evokes childhood memories

Have a girls night/sleepover

Play in a children's playground

Go for a hike somewhere in the middle of nowhere

Get your P's

Watch the sun rise

Donate generously to charity

Go for a midnight/dawn walk

Enjoy the company of strangers

Give someone flowers for no reason

(Begin to) Learn another language

Write something meaningful

Visit somewhere new

Change someone's life

Read more 'classics'

Make a work of art

Reconnect with someone from the past

Cliff jump

Win something: a contest, a prize, an award, the lottery

Play the guitar

Play a practical joke on someone

Go on a road trip

Take a hairstyle risk

Knit something

Go kite flying

Go on an adventure. A real one.

Buy something really expensive with your own money

Carve your name in a tree somewhere special

Host a party

Volunteer for charity

Go on a boat/go sailing

Have a bonfire

Make pasta from scratch

Catch a fish and eat it 

Buy a homeless person lunch

Leave secret notes places

Go skiing/to the snow

Bake someone a cake, for a reason or for none

Fast for something, for some time

Be silent for a day

Give blood

Jump in the water fully clothed

Be in a food fight

Take lots and lots and lots of photos

XXVI

There are days when I can't write anything but things of you. You move me in a way that no other things do. How did I get here? How did I meet you? I feel a strange feeling that you knew it would happen all along.
I sit and I think and all my thoughts are caught up on you. You're… you're… So much of me preoccupied with something I have no words to speak of. Words are failing me. Words never fail me.

I just want to see you. Again and again and again. See you and know you and love you and know you more. Again and again and again and again.

(Image: Grace Loves Lace)

XXV

Part II.

At the macro level, life is a beautiful, and heady, and overwhelming thing, Yes, again, beautiful and heady and overwhelming. My sister is not happy with her life, I want to show her it can be all she want’s it to be and more. My brother is starting out on a new chapter, in love, and in the way he considers himself, and I am so so proud of him. My husband-to-be is the man of my dreams, and he is passionate about his work and nothing could make me happier. His days are a rollercoaster of deals done, deals falling through, negotiations, wins and losses, but the ultimate consensus is: ‘Yes, my life is meaningful’. My best friend lives in another city and though it’s an always-struggle and an often-aching-heart, she is doing things she could only dream of doing and I am beyond proud of her aweing resilience.

I am happy. For I have every reason to be. And today it is raining and my heart is breaking with the fullness of life, and the fullness of love, and the grandeur of these moments through which we live. Life is beautiful, and heady, and overwhelming, and we’re living it. All of us. 

(Images: Matt Wisniewski)

XXIV

Its raining. Hard. And I’m reminded that life is a beautiful, heady, overwhelming thing. So much feeling crammed into so few hours of every day. You wake up tired, or hungry, or hungover, or anxious, sometimes you wake up peacefully or with great anticipation. You stagger – we all stagger – into your daily routine. Breakfast, lunch, dinner; for the lucky amongst us they sign post our days and help to compartmentalize our thoughts. “If I could just submit this report by lunch,” “I’ll meet you at 6 o’clock for dinner,” “Its only been 2 hours since  breakfast!? I’m starved.” We love the moments that we love and every other moment falls into a category of fear, anxiety, regret, stress, pressure, embarrassment, anger, frustration, uncertainty, oh the list goes on. All of these in a day, sometimes, and a million more besides.

But that’s life at the micro level. That’s life lived small, moment-to-moment, taking stock of everything that go’s right, or go’s wrong, and tipping the scales of our minds with them to see where we end up.

I do not wish to live a small life.

(Image: Oracle Fox)

XXIII

Hang my locket around your neck, wear my ring on your finger. Love is invincible facing danger and death. Passion laughs at the terrors of hell. The fire of love stops at nothing - it sweeps everything before it. Flood waters can't drown love, torrents of rain can't put it out. Love can't be bought, love can't be sold - it's not to be found in the marketplace.

(Source: Bassike, Song of Solomon)

XXII

Days like these lead to

Nights like this leads to

Love like ours

You light the spark in my bonfire heart.

People like us we don't

Need that much just some

One that starts

Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts…

(Source: James Blunt, The Lane)

XXI

[Wordsworth] attributed to imaginative literature the primary role in keeping the human beings who live in such [new urban, industrial] societies emotionally alive and morally sensitive. Literature, that is, could keep humans essentially human.

(Norton Anthology, Fashion Gone Rogue)