XCVI

I feel so much more aware right now. Were these things always there?

It’s the slow shift of the seasons. The nights when my feet get cold walking on the beaten hardwood floors. The beauty of the sky at the going down of the sun – not always brilliant reds, but just a clear, captivating blue that deepens and darkens until the streetlights come on and there’s nothing left. The crisp morning air. The gradual strengthening of the sun as the day wears on. And I look up at the sky as it is marked by the passing of time, and I call out, “It’s marking me too!”

Everything is suspended in time and air. That must be how the world feels. Suspended. I get that now.

[Images Jill Sander Fall 1998 by David Sims]

XCV

What about the little things, the nuances, the turns of emotion and the tides of decision?

Why are they?

Because more and more of late it is becoming apparent to me that those things are the point. Not the births, deaths, yes’s and no’s. But the maybe’s… the raised voices or hushed tones. The thoughts you don’t even want to share with yourself. The sudden outbursts… the things not said. The minute decisions. The fleeting moments.

Maybe those things are the point. Because if it is the big things that are pre-orchestrated, and we cannot change them, then who we are and what we are and why we are must be left in the details. And those details… well, they’re up to us.

[Images via Eric T White, This Is The Uniform 002 Collection, Love Magazine, MACxNastyGal]

XCIV

Why is it rain always comes at the most profound of times? Like each moment has been orchestrated just so, and when you feel most deeply, or perhaps hurt most deeply, the rain comes, and the song of your spirit is sung by the clouds.

[Image via Pinterest]

XCIII

Clouds are fleeting like feelings are fleeting. They loom in but they do not stay. They pour or strike or sometimes dissolve. Sometimes they simply get blown away. Don’t let yourself get blown away with them.

[Image: Pinterest]

XCII

A lifetime is barely enough.

And yet it’s all we’ve got.

There’s no countdown clock for life – I like that.

What good would it do if there were?

Who would want to run faster, and know better, and feel more than you should?

I run pretty fast as it is.

There are things I don’t know and they teach me something. Another kind of knowing.

Don’t get me started on feelings.

Life is precious, yes.

Life is mysterious, yes.

Unpredictable, yes. Painful, yes. Heady, yes.

A lifetime is barely enough. But it’s all we’ve got.

Be happy with your lot. And live your life.

[Imgaes: Louise Dahl-Wolfe for Harpers Bazaar, 1946]

XCI

Let yourself be seen.

I can’t.

Let yourself be seen.

I can’t.

Let yourself be seen.

I can’t.

Let yourself be seen.

What if…?

Let yourself be seen.

Fear does not become you, darling.

Words are more than weapons, dear.

You were not made to hide, my love.

Let yourself be seen.

[Image: Pinterest]

XC

That moment you look up and the clouds are moving so fast you think you’re seeing a highlight reel of the Galaxy. Literally, reeling. And you wonder what else is out there, and who. And the only certainty is it isn’t you.

[Images: NASA]