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[200 posts on this teeny tiny thing wowee x]

Am I Becoming Who I Am Or Just Becoming

I don’t just want to be 

The right person 

In the right place 

At the right time

I want to be 

The right person

Do you see what I mean

Can I become 

What I am becoming

And do it right

Can I undo the work I’ve done 

That isn’t

Right

And become

Again

Can I?

Is it a choice we make or a choice

Made for us 

I don’t know

I’ve never had to ask this before

But things have been happening lately

And I can’t deny them

These torrents of words and worries

I can’t deny them anymore 

Am I becoming 

Who I am

Or am I just 

Becoming

Do I like me

Is a question I must ask 

Before

Do they like me

I’ve never had to ask this before 

My greatest fear is to be 

An uninteresting person

To be a person who says a lot of things 

But doesn’t do them 

Who dreams and never lives 

Who speaks but doesn’t act

Who doesn’t really know what she believes 

Am I becoming 

Who I am

Or just becoming

Someone tell me

No one can tell me

That’s just the thing

You see

[Image: Hanne Van Ooij for Grazia France]

CXCIX

There's Cracks in Everything

I don't even know 

How to begin

To explain all the ways that the world is not

The way I thought it was

The way I am changing

Because of what is surrounding me

But the way I know I’d be changing

Differently

If what surrounded me was surrounding me

Differently

I hope

That who I am becoming

Is who I am

And not who I am not meant to be

Even that is a fluid concept these days

To me

It's hard to know where you start and end 

In the world anymore

I dont feel safe

Inside any kinds of edging

'There’s cracks in everything

That's how the light gets in'

But what if there aren’t

Cracks

Just everything becoming porous

Will it stay this way?

I dont know

I think it will stay

Until I am done becoming, and unbecoming

And becoming again

Another way to say never

It will never stop being this way

[Image: Bianca Padilla for Harpers Bazaar Turkey]

CXCVIII

Truisms from poet Nayirrah Waheed - 

Love does not ask you to be nothing for something 

Remaining soft in fire takes time

Kindness is a form of intelligence

I wake to you everywhere yet you are not here

There is no healthier drug than creativity

The thing you are most afraid to write

Write that

[Images: Bianca Padilla for Harpers Bazaar Turkey]

CXCVII

I don't even know 

How to begin

To explain all the ways

That the world is not the way 

I thought it was

[Image: Marta Gawron for ELLE Croatia]

CXCVI

This freckle on my top lip is new

It’s never been kissed by you

I wonder if it ever will

Be

Something you are accustomed to

Or if it will belong to a stranger

Some day

Soon

I wonder who

Is that something I’d hope for?

Or am I too busy hoping for you?

Somebody help me know

This freckle, where is it going to go

[Image: Giedre Dukauskaite for The Edit]

CXCV

My body yearns

To come home

To your body

It does not know

Yet

That it’s room has been foreclosed

All of it’s traces removed

Perhaps on loan to someone new

Bulldozed altogether

Who knew

It could be leased a new life

Before you.

[Image: Unkown]

CXCIV

Every possession I own 

has become either a before or an after piece

Such a material way 

to chronicle loss.

And I'm not a material person.

But I guess it's the most tangible way I remember 

that you’re gone.

And the most tangible way 

I rebuild my life into something different.

And the most tangible way to know 

I am still a person without you.

[Image: Harpers Bazaar Turkey]