CLXV

Song for someone - 

I've circled the sun 3.45479 times with your ring on my finger, my darling. With your soul publicly wed to mine. And I regret not one of those 1260 days - not for any of their harmony, hurt, joy or sorrow. I understand you far more than I imagined and far less than I hoped. You see me both deeply and soulfully, and yet not at all, I feel. And yet here we are, still making our fourth go around this fateful orbit, and suddenly you say you're unsure. 

Immensity of fear and un-quietable loathing are knocking on my door. I can hear their jaunts from every room in the house, and I wonder how much longer I can prevent them from coming in.

You tell me, my once confident, courageous-love. How long ago did you open your door to all the demons we swore to keep at bay, or atleast to pronounce to the household before welcoming in to supper. 

Promise and trust. Where did those friends go? It seems they slipped out in the night when I thought you were sleeping soundly with me, but you were not. How can I call them home? Tell me. If it's a rousing song of my deep affection, I'll sing it. If it's a rigorous defence held against all of your afflictions, I'll take up my shield now for you, my love. Just name them to me. If it's unabashed honesty in recalling all of our failures, I've strength to face them. I've strength for us, my darling. Do you? Have you enough to let me carry you? Have you enough to say you'd like me to?

I don't know how the next 200 days will play themselves out for us, or even whether we will make it to the completion of orbit number four. A harrowing but honest thought, I tell you. All I know is that my heart skips a beat when it hears you say my name out loud, in a crowded or empty room my every fibre yearns for a sight or smell or taste of you, if ever there were a star I'd want to wish upon it would be the one that twinkles in each of your deep and soulful irises, and if tomorrow you tell me you love me no longer I know it would be as if every bone in my body were simultaneously broken.

Stay with me, baby. Stay with me. Stay with me, my suddenly lost love. Stay with me. Stay.