CIII

And now I breakdown in the Woolworths carpark. Because every word you say is gemstone, and moments worth their weight in bronze just breeze me by.

The moments are so few these days that I cry before I hear the end tone, and only just does my whisper mask the catch, and only just do you miss the sob, and only just have I trained my throat to quell the sobs. I look around for strangers who might look on, but even then I couldn't stop the rolling and even then I couldn't stop the shudders. And thats a lot for me.

I'm usually quite good at keeping it together.

I don't know about you but its all been a bit much lately. I don't know about you. That's the truth and it hurts. I don't know about you do you want me to? I don't know about you but the moments are so few these days and one day I'll break before the end tone. And then what will we do?

I'm usually quite good at keeping it together, but we're not right now are we? So neither am I. Every word you say is gemstone. Is that what makes me feel so heavy?


[Images Lena C. Emery]

XV

The moments when you’re real with me are so few these days.

I sit and I watch you, and I watch the world. And I watch you exist in it. I watch you as you live your lie.

And I love you. Even as I watch you, I love you. Even as I know you, I love you. I love you and your lying life. I love who it shows that you are not. I love the person it shows you could progress to be. I love the person you are while I watch you being the person you are not.

How can I bring these two worlds to collision? How can I tear the curtain, enter the stratosphere, the black hole, the wonderland, the unknown – how can I bring all the thoughts in all the minds of all the organic and dynamic creations into one place and one time and align them all so that

You’ll see me. Seeing you. Seeing who you’re not and loving who you are.

The moments when you’re real with me are so few these days. But when they’re here, I am exhilarated by them.

The moments are so few but the aftershock is so full. I am full of it. I am full of you. I want to be full of you everyday.

But the moments… They’re so few.