CXXIII

I cried like a baby when I had to leave you. Because the truth is I don't like living without you. I don't like the waking, I don't like the sleeping, I don't like the eating, or the walking, or the talking, the decision-making, or the question-asking. I don't like spending a day you don't spend with me. I hate to open my eyes and not see you, even from across the room. I can't see you from across the world. I can't feel your touch. I can't have you warm my cold feet. Or crinkle your face at my strange personality. I can do it all without you but I just can't bear to anymore. And it's so hard. 

I cried like a baby when I left you, because it's so hard not to. And I'm sitting on the plane with fat tears in my eyes trying not to let the distance get to me. Even as it grows. Even as I go farther in the wrong bloody direction.

Take me back, baby. Take me back. 

IXX

I want just to take a breath and take in the universe. 

And then the planning. And then the to-ing and the fro-ing and the buy the house, buy the land, make an investment, upskill, take another job, change career paths, pursue the dream, make it count, make it count, impress someone, do something righteous with my time, make money, save money, earn money, spend money on things that will last, build a home, build a future, collect things.

I’m not ready for that yet. I’m ready to be free. And then in a little while… okay.