CLXXX

The Sadness

I put on a brave face for everyone else

Why can’t I put on a brave face for me?

I sleep here in our bed

In our home

I dont sleep

I try to erase this word from my memory

Our, we, us

You’ve erased it 

Already

Took you a while to tell me.

I put on a brave face for everyone else

But to me I'm the saddest I've ever been

And I can't separate it out

Into losing you and losing us and losing me

Its all in there

The sadness in layers, upon layers

How will I sift down to the part where I'm losing me

And save it

While the rest is erased

Erased so easily.

I pace the hallway that was ours

Run my finger along the bedsheets that were ours

Dunk my head under the shower head that was ours

And I cry

To me I'm the saddest I've ever been

But only to me

[Images: Grace Hartzel by Cass Bird, Unknown, Karmen Pedaru for Glass Magazine]