VII

H E A R T   P T 2 .

How, then, do I let another into my darkest dark? If my heart is kept where no man can go, what about the one I wish to go there. What about the one who needs to see, and know, and feel, and hear, all that my heart is saying, yearning, yearning to say. When there is pain, where do I direct his healing hand? What tools do I advise him to use?

Nothing. There is nothing. Nothing but kindness. Nothing but patience. Nothing but sound endurance and overarching tenderness. Nothing but sweet words and silent whispers. Nothing concrete, nothing absolute, nothing remedial or sanitizing. Nothing one can give full trust to, or put full hope in. There is only some hope. Only as much trust as you can muster. 

VI

H E A R T .

What are the desires of my heart? Who can say, or number them, or locate them in anatomy. If my heart hurts where do you rub? What is its geography? If its grief: a little to the left, up one ventricle and down the other side. If its heartbreak: just that fissure down the very middle, could we patch that up? How does one search the hearts depths? A flashlight too bright and a candle too likely to burn. No valve would let you through to poke inside and find what you’re looking for. What do I want, what do I feel, how much and why… None of these can be dug out or wrestled into the open. No. The heart is not a mystery that can be explored. It is a mystery.

IV

How long can you coexist with someone that you like but don’t love. Know but don’t fully comprehend. Tolerate but never actually enjoy. Try and attempt and pursue and hope but never ever prevail.

Some hearts and minds and bodies and souls were just never made for communion. But how long can you coexist with someone that you shouldn’t?

And what if an event, or a circumstance, or one of life’s many curveballs throws all-of-the-above full in your face? What then.

How long can you coexist with someone that you like, know, tolerate and hopefully pursue, but with whom you just cannot reconcile.

How long until some such event, circumstance or situation arises to take both of you and your hopefulness out.

And when that moment does arise – what do you do?

Do you regroup, rebuild, re-evaluate, regain lost hopefulness and restart the cycle? Or do you stop.

Stop.

Stop, dear heart. Stop.

Don’t keep on keeping on – stop.

If only we human’s had as much courage to stop as we did to continue. 

II

I came from love. I was never alone.
Even in my darkest moments, you loved me.
Even in my solitary places, you found me.
I came from love. I was never alone.
When I tried to escape, you followed me. 
Pursued me. Wooed me. Wanted me back.
You forsook no measure to regain me. 
To win me. To win me back.
I came from love. And from it I could never distantly stray. 
You held me, and hold me still. 
Much too close for me to deny you, though I often pretend to.
I came from love, and I feel it burning inside me. 
Your love empowers me. Urges me. Urges me on. 
Even if I know not what you’ve done.
I came from love. Love that died for me. Died and set me free.
I came from love. I was never alone… (repeat)